Kansas City Nursing News -
Jan 2015
Changes Donato Alfredano, Author
Anyone who has children knows that something changes in us when our child comes into the world. The words dedication and devotion take on whole new meanings. We change our lives to ensure our children are nurtured and cared for, and we inherently realize that their needs, safety, and security come first.
For parents of children with special needs, adjusting to this mindset and whirlwind of emotions is even more difficult… but you do. You draw on your inner strength, you tough it out, and learn to fill the role that life has bestowed upon you. As the years go by and adjustments are made to accommodate your role as the super-
How are you? Are you happy and content with your life? If you are the parent of a special needs child and you’ve managed to maintain a great perspective on things, you’re happy and content with yourself and your identity has remained intact, then you are you are truly blessed. However, many of us find it difficult retreating from that transformational “super-
There are a number of reasons for this “loss of self” but the most prominent is guilt. Guilt is a heavy burden, especially when it is not genuinely warranted. We sometimes carry that burden until we either forgive ourselves or rationalize our feelings to the point it no longer matters. For example, my commitment to my son Denny’s development throughout the years was always unparalleled. Any slowdown or change seemed huge and affected me strongly. Yet ultimately there was a breaking point, a point where I forgave myself. As Denny came into his adolescent years, I began to realize that spending less time with him might be OK. I came to realize that he might actually need some space, like all teenagers do, to develop emotionally, to branch out on his own and deal with socialization and life’s challenges. You see, although he was on a positive path in general, he still had many issues to overcome, challenges that only life experiences could resolve. It was hard, but I had to let go. It was time for me to back away and let him get a taste of life without my constant intervention. This was a turning point for us both and I was finally on the path toward focusing a bit more on me and concentrating on my needs and aspirations.
I once heard someone say “How can you take the best possible care of your child if you’re not taking the best possible care of yourself?” How true it is! You must realize that you are actually benefiting yourself and your child by doing so. Balance is the key. Remember, you are not defined by your parental role, as extraordinary as it may be. You are defined by what’s in your heart, your uniqueness and your expression of life. Live it!
There’s a motto we relied upon throughout Denny’s inspirational journey toward adulthood, “Be strong, be tough and be smart.” It‘s a simple but powerful message to those dealing with the heartaches and triumphs that come with championing a child with autism.
At the time of this writing, Denny was 34. He holds a PhD in Engineering Physics and works as a Senior Research Scientist. He currently has over thirty publications under his belt.
http://www.amazon.com/Be-